#relationshipgoals <— that is something that has been relayed to my husband, Pete, and I on several occasions by different folks...one being my oldest adult son. That one, I must admit, means the most to me.
The fact that my son sees his mom and her husband, his step father, as relationship goals tells me we are doing something right.
He sees us behind closed doors, not just what we choose to portray on social media or while the spotlight is on us as pastor and pastors wife. We aren’t playing a part to prove something to others. Frankly, we don’t consciously think that we are role models to others, even though we are.
We are just living life y’all and doing our best like so many of you.
Because today is our 10 year wedding anniversary, and because we are looked at as relationship goals by some, I figured I should make a post giving advice to all of you seeking a solid healthy marriage - like we have. Here are 8 tips to having a healthy marriage: 1 - GIVE! And do not give to get. 2 - Do NOT keep tabs. 3 - Do not try to prove something to the other. 4 - Do not compete with one another. 5 - Remember, husbands and wives, you are male and female. This means you were created differently and you are wired differently. You see things, hear things, say things and do things differently. Neither is necessarily in the wrong, you are just different. (I highly recommend Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. He goes into this deeper.) 6 - You are likely both with 2 different personalities. If you can learn more about your own personality AND that of your spouse, this would serve you well. It would cause you to feel more confident and it would cause more successful communication leading with more understanding and more mercy. (Read Wired that Way by Marita Littauer) 7 - Always keep in mind, you are NOT enemies...even when you are so angry because the other did or said something that you were completely offended by. You both come from a well meaning place and you’re likely not trying to upset the other. When you remember that, the likelihood of one being defensive will not take place when the miscommunication arrives. 8 - Talk (only when both are ready to talk) and work THROUGH it. DO give one another time, but do not avoid the problem. Sweeping things under the rug does not solve a thing. Many years ago, I experienced a failed marriage. Everything listed above, we did the opposite of. So I get it! That was a tough relationship to get through each day. It exhausted me. It depressed me. It gave me no hope. I lived in misery and some days, the only thing that kept me going were my kids. So I do get it!! Total success will take both of you applying these tips.. however even if only one of you begins implementing these behaviors, the other may follow. If I had known better then, my marriage may not have failed.
I will tell you this... the BIGGEST difference in my marriage now versus the previous marriage is RESPECT. Showing and giving respect TO one another and having respect FOR one another. I hear people say, “I am just not in love with them anymore”.
LISTEN.. that’s not reality. Being “in love” is a feeling. It’s for teenagers, young love, temporary love, crushes, movies, romanticizing....
True love, LOVING someone is a decision.
When arguments, hardships and bad times come .. and they will .. you will not have ‘all the feels’ that you think of when you think about being “in love”. Why would you?!
Pete and I have been together 11 years and married for 10. All of these tips I’ve listed have been what we have implemented in our relationship over the years. I definitely credit all of these ways we live out our day to day relationship, to our thriving relationship.
I do hope that you are able to implement these practices into your relationship so that you, too, can hear that you are #relationshipgoals to those you are influencing each day and so you can have a thriving relationship and peace in your home with the one you love.